Writing has become a luxury. To sit down and to have a few moments of quiet with a steaming mug of tea and a tired but empty brain is what I strive for these days. Relentless work schedule coupled with a day or two of taking care of our sick child meant hours over weekend and early morning sometimes before five am playing catch up. In all of this frenzy writing took a back seat.
Not just because of lack of time but also because of lack of thoughts. I could not think of anything beyond whatever was required to get through. And the well-worn and all too familiar pattern of thoughts would creep in at night after the everyday was done.
Today after weeks, I feel like the fog has lifted. I have some space and time to go back to my other needs – the goals that I had set for myself- beyond the everyday. So much has happened in the political and personal realm. The unbelievable has come to pass. America will have a first family that is at the extreme of what is considered the norm the usual.
Not having the right to vote myself, I have watched with detachment the bitter political campaign and like the majority was looking forward to putting everything behind in 2016. I was therefore surprised when I woke up to the election results and found myself in anxiety and panic. While I am not so much grieved by the opponent’s loss, I was and still am concerned to put it mildly over the other party’s win.
I am worried about my husband who is a US Citizen and is on the Army on reserve. I am worried about my toddler who is a US Citizen of Asian American heritage. And for the first time since I moved to the US in 2001, I have become acutely aware of my race and my color.
Like the majority, I am holding out hope, I want to stay positive. However, I also believe that while the rhetoric can change- hate slurs, and extreme policies put forth to win election today can become seemingly balanced and polished strategies tomorrow, the waves of division, discrimination, and hatred unleashed is to some extent beyond repair.
While we are going about living our everyday life, we are carefully watching where America is headed toward in the next few years.